Oh, you guys didn’t know that Jewlie & Josh Hutcherson are an Internet Bully Fighting Power Couple?
Well, now you do.
Also apparently I make Jewlie fan art in my spare time. And I’m completely OK with that.
It’s not surprising that I haven’t really written anything in a while. I mean at this stage in the game that might as well be the tagline for this blog: “Sorry it’s been so long since I wrote anything substantial…”.
I don’t know what’s up with me these past couple of months. I will have these spontaneous moments of pure joy, moments when I’m doing something so simple, like walking down the street and listening to a good song, or snuggling on the couch at The Bean with some friends and laughing, or seeing the sun start to poke over the horizon before work. Literally NOTHING important or significant will be happening and I’ll just start overflowing with love for my life. It’s kind of amazing.
But most of the time I feel…normal. Adequate. At ease. Satisfied. Comfortable. Regular. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s not that I feel sad about my life, it’s more of a sadness that I don’t feel more..fulfilled. This has been a problem for me for many years. Perhaps it’s the hopeless romantic inside of me. Maybe I’ve just watched too many movies, or listened to too many great songs. It just feels like more moments in my life should feel…(for lack of a better word) more.
I don’t want to live my 20’s in New York City feeling adequate. I want to live my life feeling. Of course not every moment can be filled with the joy I find myself feeling at those simple little moments. But I want to feel something. Fear, excitement, exhilaration, love, heart break, anything but normal.
I try to have adventures. I try to get out of my box. But it’s harder than it sounds. I hate that I use that as an excuse. A lot of times I feel tired. Most days I work strange hours. I have chores and errands and obligations that hold me back. I wish they didn’t. I wish I still wrote. I wish I still made inspiration books. I wish I still did yoga. There’s so much I wish I was still doing, so why am I not just doing it?
It’s my own belief that a part of this is just what it’s like to be a post-grad. I’m no longer being exposed to new knowledge on a daily basis. I have new obligations in place of creative projects, reading and writing. And it’s not that I don’t love my job or my life. I have a great apartment, a perfect roommate and I love every person I work with. I just don’t feel like I’m getting any stimulation through it.
My generation is always looking for more. I guess I’ve fallen victim to that. I’m nearly 23 years old, I’m not meant to know who I am, or settle into a lifelong fulfilling career. I just wish I didn’t feel like I failed myself. I wish I felt more satisfied with everything that I have. I am so grateful for my life and all that I’ve been able to accomplish, I just wish it felt “enough”.
Is this what it’s like to be young?
Jewlie gets it.
Some songs just remind me of fall. Each year I make a new fall playlist, but certain songs always sneak on there.
- Should Have Been in Love- Wilco
- Satellite- Guster
- Swing Swing- All American Rejects
- Pieces of Me- Ashlee Simpson (Not embarrassed).
- Sycamore Down- Jaymay
- Chicago- Sufjan Stevens
- Half of My Heart- John Mayer
- Fidelity- Regina Spektor
- Never Let You Fall- Ben Kweller
- Young Pilgrams- The Shins
- Suddenly I See- KT Tunstall
- Dead End- The Format
- 60B- Nancy Wilson
- Square One- Tom Petty
- Bruised- Jack’s Mannequin
- Fearless- Taylor Swift
- White Houses- Vanessa Carlton
- Elevator Love Letter- Stars
- Somewhere Only We Know- Keane
- It Goes On & On- The Avett Brothers
- Falling In Love- McFly
- Lloyd, I’m Ready to be Heartbroken- Camera Obscura
- You Don’t Know Me- Jann Arden
- Grand Theft Autumn- Fall Out Boy
- Goodnight & Go- Imogen Heap
- California- Phantom Planet
- I Don’t Wanna Know- Fleetwood Mac
- The Artist- The Hush Sound
- It’s Too Late- Carole King
Speaking of Fall… Jewlie’s Fall playlists are the best.
Yup. Just creeped Bee’s location via Foursquare and now I have company on my break from Anthro.
*Ring ring* “Hey, what’s up?” “Are you at Trader Joe’s?” “…..Yes.”
Sunset over the Hudson.
September 12th, 2011.
Watched the sunset from the High Line with the ever-lovely Miss Jewlie this evening.